Relationship presets — 2 worksheets

Two worksheets for relational work — one mapping the client’s attachment patterns, one mapping the relational role dynamics they get pulled into.

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Attachment styles

A 2×2 grid laid out on two axes — anxiety on the vertical, avoidance on the horizontal:

• Top-left, green: SECURE — low anxiety + low avoidance, trusts and connects
• Top-right, blue: AVOIDANT (Dismissive) — low anxiety + high avoidance, self-reliant and distant
• Bottom-left, amber: ANXIOUS (Preoccupied) — high anxiety + low avoidance, craves closeness, fears loss
• Bottom-right, red: DISORGANIZED — high anxiety + high avoidance, pulls toward and away simultaneously

Axis labels around the grid orient the dimensions explicitly. Use it for: psychoeducation on attachment theory, especially with clients in relationship work or who are noticing patterns across multiple partners / parents / friends. The grid form lets you see why “secure” isn’t binary — it’s the corner of a continuous space, and clients can be closer or further from it depending on context. The clinical move: drop the grid, walk through what each quadrant looks like in adult relationships, and ask the client where they think they sit. Often they’ll point to a different quadrant for different relationships — that’s the diagnostic gold. Pairs naturally with the iceberg model (trauma presets) — attachment is what lives beneath the waterline of most relational behavior.

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Drama triangle (Karpman)

An equilateral triangle with three roles, one at each corner:

• Persecutor (top, red): “It is your fault”
• Rescuer (bottom-left, green): “Let me help”
• Victim (bottom-right, amber): “Poor me”

Arrows between the corners show the cycle — Persecutor pushes Victim, Victim pulls Rescuer in, Rescuer turns Persecutor, and so on. Use it for: transactional-analysis-rooted work on relational patterns. The drama triangle is one of the most useful diagrams in relational therapy because the cycle is so recognizable once a client sees it — they spot the pattern in their family of origin, their partnerships, their workplace, often all in the same session. The clinical move: drop the preset, explain the three roles, and ask the client where they tend to start in different relationships. The pattern that often emerges: clients have a primary role they get pulled into (“I’m always the Rescuer”) and a secondary one they switch to under stress. The clinical work that follows: noticing entry into the triangle, and choosing to step out — neither push, rescue, nor accept the victim position. That choice is itself a powerful intervention.

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